So today me and my Spaniard were discussing drugs and stuff. I’ve never done drugs, nothing hard, nothing soft, the closest to doing drugs I have been is when I was begging my mom for more oxycodone day 2 after my ACL surgery haha…she didn’t give it to me.
So he says he smokes (marijuana and cigarettes) to relax. That’s why he would never do hard drugs, because cocaine, heroine, and ecstasy all getcha goin’. He said you’re just so relaxed when you’re on that high. And I think it’s silly to get so addicted to drugs, but haha, someone’s going to laugh at this I know it, I used to be the same about sleep. :P
Now drugs and sleep are seriously different things, but I guess with some drugs you have your hallucinations and for me, well, I had my dreams.
I dream all the time. And I dream vividly, I can smell, I remember, I’ve even made conscious decisions in my dreams. Ha, I remember my dreams so much that I don’t bother telling people because I feel like they’ll think I’m lying. My friends say they don’t know anyone that dreams as much as I do.
Once upon a time (twice) I tried to start up a dream blog/online journal. Normally I do this after I have had a particularly epic dream. Epic in the sense that it was seriously long, seriously awesome, or a serious breakthrough as far as my dreams go (ie: lucid dreaming). Yeah…So clearly that blog failed because for one they were private blogs and for two I just dreamed too much so it was starting to become a hassle. I can remember my dreams for a day if they’re just ordinary, but what with school, activities, and things of the like, I just was not finding the time to post my dreams into my blog that were adequately descriptive to my liking.
So basically, I guess I got addicted to dreaming for a while. It’s so silly, but you never know what you’re gonna get! And if it’s nearly certain that I’m going to dream, why not take the risk of lying in bed awake a little later that one night?
The good news is stopped. I realized what I was doing. Passing up normal things to sleep? Crazy! Don’t get me wrong I love sleep still, but that was my chosen method of relaxing, and I guess it just goes to show that anything, however harmless it may be, is still dangerous in excess.
Sometimes I want to send my secrets to PostSecret. But I never have. I wish I went to the PostSecret event at my school I’m sure it was nice. I wonder if everyone that submits their secret thinks that their secret will end up on the website. I feel like if I sent mine in there wold be a help link that Frank would include with it if he were to post it.
No, I’m not suicidal.
Nor do I have an eating disorder.
I wasn’t raped, abused, or living off of food stamps, etc, etc
I have a great life.I really do, and I’m super grateful for it! :)
I’m not sure I could ever send it in. And I know that’s the whole point, but I just feel like it’s silly to spend the money on postage on something that won’t be shared with anyone. I want my secret to be set free.
Sometimes I feel like my secret isn’t even a secret. I haven’t told anyone about it. Not even my best friends. This is the closest I have come to sharing it. Maybe if I find a creative enough way to fit it on a postcard Frank will have a postcard headed his way.
I got a taste of the kind of people that I will be spending the next four years of my life with. I went to a college family gathering and although it was super awkward (more awkward for others I think!) but the awkwardness was to be expected, so not a big deal haha.
I kind of forgot what it was like to meet new people. By yourself yanno? Like I have had to make temporary friends at soccer camps and stuff. but I’ve forgotten how safe I’ve been. All the new people I met in Spain are more or less people I may never see again (Hopefully I’ll See them again<3) but these people speak my language and I’m going to be spending a considerable amount of time with them. It all kinda freaks me out and gets me excited all at once :)
I’ll have to remember the words of my BFF, “All you have to do is say, ‘Hi.’" Sometimes I think the internet has destroyed me and my social skills. Triste. That, and one of my previous soccer coaches tore apart my confidence, which I have been steadily rebuilding. I’m excited. SO excited. but still i have the dilemma of what I want to do after.
It’s silly to plan this far ahead but I don’t know what I want. If i had the choice would I want to go abroad and meet a foreign boy? Or would I want to stay here and marry the boy of my dreams? Silly, silly. I’m a joven, I should focus on living my life. The world does not revolve around boys. But, sometimes, soemtimes it sucks when everyone else around you has a happy relationship and welp (yes, welp), you just don’t.
It’s just you. All I really want is love and adventure. Is that too much to ask? Maybe.